Emma All Alone
Everyones gone home and Emma is all alone and doesnt like it atall :(
The house is empty, cold and lonely.
Instead of happy, warm and homely.
No light can replace the dark thats settled.
When Emma's all alone :(
Why is it, whenver I make a statement like the one below, the floodgates open for everything to seem to fall apart-in reality it hasnt. But felt so depressed today! Then wandered over to city church and got prayed for and was balled over by ppls compassion and love! Wish so much that I could recognise this as being Gods love and accept it. But its really hard.
:)
Am loving York at the moment. Feel so blessed and privaliged to be here and its all thanks to an amazing God and some amazing friends who are so encouraging :)
Evan Though I Walk Through The Valley Of The Shadow Of Death
Read an article again today that my Mum sent me and it was so encouraging. In the past(well last year really) Ive been afraid/ashamed to talk about the tough experiences Ive been through as I thought it would upset/offend people, but this article really encouraged me to keep sharing and keep being real with God and with other ppl. I would take me too long to write it all out but I'll some it up with quotes.
Basically this guy form YWAM lost both his parents last year, one of them to demecia and one to cancer, but he is so open and remains so close to God and thankful.
'It is not easy to walk through these times. Everything in us wants to cut and run, find another path, locate a hiding place, discover some way to numb the sorrow. But when we choose to walk through it with the Lord, it allows Him and those around us to minister to us. There were times I felt defeated by my situation, and that talking about it, evan writing about it, would not be right because it sounded so discouraging. But in YWAM, both in England and internationally, there have been deaths, and I know many people who have lived through difficult situations. So I hope my experience will give hope and reality.' Rob Hobbs.
He aslo goes onto say(man this is beginning to sound like an essay!) that were not the only ones living in the valley and that there are others around us who God wants us to reach out to.
'Were noot the only ones living in the Valley of the shadow of death, and God calls His people to help those in need and find ways to encourage poeple out of physical and spiritual poverty.'
Yesterday I was walking home from town and felt like asking God for an opportunity to help a homeless person! But at the same time I was thinking-'well it was a nice thought but it would really be more convenient if I could just go home now!'
But God has a sense of humour and as I was walking there was a guy near the scary doll shop at the top of gillygate and I was quite annoyed cos I knew I hadto do something! So I looked around for a sanwhich shop or something and there was nothing, so I ended up going to Wackers and buying sasauge and chips and got quite annoyed cos I hadto wait. As I wlaked back up gillygate I got really scared that he wouldnt want my food or Id chicken out! But I was praying so hard that I could do something!
Anyway I gave him the food and it was the most humbling experience of my life I think! He wasnt evan in a position to say no! He was so desperate just for somehting to eat! I was only there for a split second but I felt his pain and felt like crying. I said a quick prayer that He would know Jesus loved him and that was it. It was that simple. So why do we hold back so much, why do we walk away? When its that simple and it makes such a differnce?
Anyway walking home I saw the most incredible sunset and I only saw it bcos I was there at exactly the right time and I knew that God loved me and that He wanted to bless me :)
Man I'm completely exhausted. Every single morning pretty much since I got back, Ive got woken up around 7am, which doesnt sound that bad in itself, but when your usedto sleeping alot, it really makes you very tired and last night I was all for going home just so I could sleep! Also I miss my Mum so much :( So decided the compromise would be to go home on Saturday and come back Monday, rather than going home like right now! Cos actually that would make it very hard to come back again. And also someone told me nt to give up:) so I dont want to give up cos God is bigger than how rubbish we feel!
Never Let Go-Matt Redman
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near
And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?
Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me
And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth
Chorus:
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You
Saturday
Had such a great day but I feel so crap! Doesnt really make any sense but nevermind! I guess thats what the joy of the Lord is about. I think? I'm really really upset about something and its tearing me apart but at the same time God is good and He's given me the strength to deal with it and still have a great day in spight of it! I'm actually scared to write this tho- in fact I'm scared in general!
But anyway my day! I went to a dance and worship thing at college and it was so awesome! I actually worshipped through dance and I cant evan dance lol! Youd haveto do it to understand I think! Then I just wondered into town and had dinner at the spirriergate centre, then wandered over to the millenium wheel and couldnt afford to go on it so went to the railway museum instead and took a photo on my phone and sent it to my Dad! Then I wandered back into town and met Carrie and we went to the art gallery and saw a very random sculpture exhibition! Then we went to my favourate park-the musuem gardens-it was beautiful! So yeh life is very good and very bad at the same time-a very strange feeling.
Ok now :)
Am very ammused that ppl really do comment just bcos you ask them to! hehe! Anyway am feeling much better now and seeing things in a little more perspective, although its still really hard :( But it will all be good in the end :) Me and Gemma had a worship practice yesterday and it was so brilliant-just wish Sarah couldve been there-but theres always next time. In fact Sunday! I cant wait! Isnt God good? Theres no way I wouldve had the confidence to do this a few weeks ago evan!
